Bootie Cravings

Yes. As the title suggests I am experiencing this craving. And it is like nothing I have felt before, ever.

Many times in my twenties I contracted what is know as the "fever", BABY FEVER to be exact. Baby Fever can be best explained as a sudden rush of want and need to have a sweet bundle of joy from exposure to a newborn. You think you want one and shortly the feeling passes for most of course and yet for others not so quickly. For me it always passed quickly. Once I was married Baby Fever ebbed and flowed over 7 years. Yes I wanted one. No I didn't. Yes. No. Yes. No. Now as I have grown older I have begun to differentiate between "the fever" and "the craving". For me I basically relate these two to infatuation and real love and the fundamental differences between them.

I do get that both fever and craving are temporary in every essence of the words, but in this particular instance I see them as two polar opposites. With fever being immature and wanting something for the novelty of it vs craving being an honest desire to truly embrace a new chapter in one's life and fulfil a particular need to the most extreme. At thirty-six years old and frighteningly close to turning thirty-seven with no children my biological clock has gone from a soft inconsistent tick to a very loud non-stop buzzing alarm, with NO snooze button in sight!

Everywhere I look I see babies and women with pregnant bellies and I feel my desire growing. I hear gossip of "oops" and wonder when I get to say those wonderfully fulfilling words; "I am pregnant." Then I finally came to the conclusion that sitting on the fence and waiting for life to grant me this gift, at my age, isn't going to happen. I have to make a conscious effort to get pregnant. I am not any of those other women who seem to get pregnant effortlessly, we are going to have to put some serious dual effort if this is ever going to happen. We haven't been preventing nor really trying for over 5 years. That's a long time for no accidents, but my friends have told me that it may be due to timing. As many know the window to get pregnant is very small and the percent each month is less than 15 for a woman my age. So no need to panic, yet, because if we weren't trying then no need to fret. It is only once we begin and after a trial with no news is concern warrented. Which leads me to this...

... We are officially trying to get "preggers"! And DAMN! I have never wanted something so much in my life. I used to be scared of the stories of needles and tearing, all the horrors that you see or hear about child birth. All of it terrified me. But I am now completely confident in my decision because all these things that frightened me before just don't matter anymore. The want and desire to see our baby is so much stronger than any fears I may have harbored prior. You see I am terrified of needles, I have veins that are so small a pediatric needle has to be used to draw blood, and when you're pregnant there is a lot of blood that has to be drawn and tested throughout the pregnancy. It is so bad drawing blood from my veins that I have a tendency to bruise very easily and often times will go hypoxic. Which is where you loose oxygen and get all dopey and slow and it takes a bit to return to normal. That knowledge alone for me was so scary, but now.
I.
Just.
Don't.
Care.
I want to be nauseous and pee all the time. I want to feel my breast growing and the baby moving around pushing all my organs into tight spaces making me completely uncomfortable. I want to spend hours pouring over baby name books and picking out all the baby room furniture and arguing with Garrett over what style is cuter and which name is perfect! I am SO ready for it all. I want the ablility to call a child MINE! To have him or her snuggle into my neck fall asleep and drool all over me. To cry at that first step and rejoice in that first word. Its like this song, "I want it all, I want it all, and I want it NOW" I don't remember who sang this but at this moment it speaks volumes! And says a lot as to what I write next.

So, I know patience is a virtue but when it comes to trying to get with child and you are in your late thirties, patience tends to be on its very last legs! But I am not giving up hope or faith! I am staying positive, telling myself that it is early in our journey and there is nothing to worry about for the next six months. So until then Garrett and I get to enjoy the efforts we put into this endeavor! And hopefully sometime soon within the next few months a very happy post will be brightening the world!

Ah say... WHAT?

"WHAT?!" That was exactly the words out of our mouths.

Let me explain. My husband's family celebrates each person's birthday by going out to the favorite restaurant of that person who's birthday it is. It is always a really nice and fun time (I got particularly lucky with the in-laws). We eat, open gifts, eat cake and catch up on what is new or not.

It's February 15th, my nephew Anthony's birthday, we meet at a place called Bob's Burgers and Brews a new dining establishment in town. There are 14 people in our party and because we were so large the hostess seated us in an area made for such groups. There also happened to be another large group of people dining in that area as well and in their party was one ueber cutie patootie baby boy.

Throughout the evening we never really paid much attention to the table next to us but as the evening progressed the baby started to get a little vocal. My sis-in-law Chrissy and I looked back once or twice because we weren't sure if he was "talking" or fussing. She and I commented quietly that he probably just wanted to be picked up and felt bad for the little guy and once someone did he was fine. We weren't annoyed or irritated, really, no one paid much attention, in fact, we were busy talking and eating and celebrating that when the other table left we didn't even notice. So it came as a ginormous surprise after we asked for our checks when our server came back and stated that our dining neighbors paid our entire check, ALL 14 OF US. The waitress said "They felt bad for the baby screaming and wanted to apologize by paying for your dinners!"

That brings us to the beginning of this post...

"WHAT?"

Oh my god! The baby wasn't screaming, fussy maybe a bit, but not annoyingly fussy and like I said when someone picked him up he quieted down.

Talk about over the top GENEROUS!

A lesson for sure!

There are blindingly good people out there who do good things (and in our case was totally unnecessary but nevertheless it is humbly appreciated) and that in and of itself requires a moment of pause and staunch consideration on how one could be more aware and definitely find ways to do something like minded to PAY IT FORWARD. Necessary or not lifting someones spirit by doing something generous and thoughtful is, in my mind, the epitome of a beautiful and kind soul.

So this post I dedicate to the wonderfully thoughtful dining room companions and I say THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! I hope I can find a way to honor your generosity and pay it forward in some similar and grand way!

O Magazine Article: 5 Things Veganist Author Kathy Freston Knows for Sure

Wellness expert and best-selling author Kathy Freston shares the secrets to compassionate, mindful eating.
http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Wellness-Expert-Kathy-Freston-on-Veganism-and-Mindful-Eating

I really like what Kathy says in this article. I know I want to eat healthier and embrace a vegan-ish lifestyle and the 'tips' she suggests here make me believe that I can succeed!

I hope that some of what is in the link can perhaps inspire you to start small and try a few vegan or even vegetarian dishes once a week. I know I plan on trying to veganize a lunch and dinner. I have breakfast covered as I eat Kashi cereals and don't drink cow's milk anymore. I began drinking soy milk in 2006 in my Starbucks lattes and since then the transition has been a fairly easy one. However since I have been hearing that soy milk isn't super healthy for you on a regular basis I decided I would try other alternatives like Almond milk or Coconut milk. I really liked the Coconut milk but noticed that it had a high saturated fat percentage so I chose to try Rice milk and WOW this is awesome! In my cereal, in my morning latte and even with dinner, just delicious! I just hope my adventure into veganism is as fruitful and fun as my moo replacement journey!

Here is a link to Oprah's Website that has a sample weekly menu from Kathy's book. I love the meal plans they sound delicious and easy. I'll be sure to let you know how some of them go!

http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Week-One-Kathy-Frestons-Vegan-Menu-Plan

Luck to you and to me on the quest to healthy conscious eating!

Meat or not to meat? That is the question!

Recently I watched an episode of Oprah from her Season 25. It's her last as many may know, and I wanted to make sure I was there to watch her out do the years previous as her talk show came to an end. Any ways,  the show was about how Oprah and 378 of her staff members went Vegan for a week. WOW! That's huge.

I totally recommend finding this particular episode on NBC.com and watching it for yourself. Talk about becoming more consciously aware! As we all know Oprah is about growing, evolving, becoming better and doing better. As I watched and learned so many things that her guests and she herself said resonated for me. I decided I wanted to embrace a Vegan-ish lifestyle. My sister, Brooke, has been embracing a more healthy lifestyle, one with more whole foods, organic and processed free. And everyone knows that you succeed with support and people who carry the same overall goals. So. Why not! Why not incorporate better eating habits. Break the cycle my grandmother and mother started. Lead by example. I mean I am a quasi-mom now with a young impressionable little girl to think of, right? Right!

Within the last few years I've found that I am already leaning toward a more vegetarian lifestyle when I consciously think about it which is all together quite good, but my husband is all carnivore and that poses some challenges, but not too many thankfully. As a kid I grew up eating meat and seafood. It was a common staple in our daily diet. My dad would hunt and fish and we generally ate what was brought home. That particular way of eating is the epitome of organic of course before "organic" became a fashionable health style. Nevertheless when these forms of food were not available there was the grocery store and the 70's and 80's style of cooking my mother embraced so well. In her  house there wasn't a large variety of wholesome healthy dinners as we think of the term today. I mainly remember fried chicken and hamburger being served regularly. As a result my knowledge of variety and healthy was severely lacking. As I gained a family of my own I found I had a lot to learn about food and cooking and basically everything.

A few years back I found the book called "Skinny Bitch". Yea this book provided a significant shift in consciousness about the beef and poultry industries. I knew I wasn't ready to completely give up meat, and that I couldn't go vegan so I would try vegetarian. I was already sort of doing that anyways as Garrett informed me and he was surprisingly supportive so long as I didn't expect him to convert. He still craved "red meat" of course regardless of how much white meat we tried to incorporate in its place!  I loved that he didn't mind plus throughout our marriage so far I had managed  to shift his eating habits a bit so why couldn't I shift mine a tad more. That was six years ago when I attempted to change the way I ate.

It didn't last sadly enough. I think money played a big part and when you don't have a lot and healthy food is more expensive and you don't know how to shop in a way that enables you to buy healthy for a cheap budget you can tend to fall off the wagon. Yup that was me. Dammit!

That brings us to today. As I have said before, I think, I love love love food! But I want to be more healthy and be an example for Lili. And after watching Oprah's show doubly so! I really liked what Kathy Freston, the woman who helped launch this massive undertaking at Oprah's studio and author of the book 'Veganist: Lose Weight, Get Healthy, Change the World'. She said to take it slow. Just change one or two things. That her husband was Vegan-ish. Meaning at home he ate vegan like she, but still allowed himself non-vegan foods when out on business lunches or dinners if he so inclined. Kathy also said in her book that there were several vegan dishes that were a success and several that weren't; that is was all about finding what you like and going from there, essentially. (I paraphrased there) For me this says a lot. Most especially coming from someone who is vegan. After that episode I found myself at the Barnes and Nobel looking at Kathy's book and several great vegetarian and vegan cookbooks. And let me just say I was impressed. Some of these dishes were incredible! And filled with foods I loved! So many possibilities. And desserts oh yeah! Yum. Yum. Yum. You'd all be surprised!

Wow, becoming Vegan-ish is possible. It is all about planning and a budget. I can do that! Yeah! I already plan out weekly dinners and work within an allotted food budget; I've come so far. Hee hee. Plus I bet I could work in a vegan dish or two and how much you wanna bet Garrett or anyone wouldn't be able to tell the difference!  That's what I loved about some of the recipes I've found, they seem that good! I can't wait to try a few dishes and share their success or failure with you. So I ask you to "Wish me luck" on my evolution to become a better more healthy me! Go Vegan-ish!

Sisters!

My sister Brooke & I

I am proud to say this, my sister is my BEST friend. And I wouldn't have it any other way! I am so glad to be able to profess such a statement.

When I was younger I always hoped I would and could one day say she is not only my sister but also my friend. Sadly however there is an age difference that prevented us from truly knowing one another as we were growing up. An almost 7 year age gap can pose significant complications. Plus I being the eldest and she being the youngest we were raised differently and viewed the world in profoundly differing ways.

Yet in spite of the obstacles we faced in our lives now as grown adults we have slowly learned how to truly know each other and establish a bond, one I always envied with other women and their sister(s), of our very own. HOORAY!

My sister is one of the funniest women I know, she can make me laugh like nothing else and despite her complicated and turbulent life she still finds a way to smile and help you smile with her. She is beyond boundaries and balls to the wall unpredictable. Qualities I simply love in her! She is finding herself and doing what she can to evolve past our broken and bruised childhood into an amazing person aware and conscious of the world around her and her place in it.

I never really thought about sexual orientation and all the issues that people face today, but I am extremely impressed with her decision and how proud I am of her for coming out and declaring herself a Lesbian. I feel like she's continuing to grow and evolve into her true self even more now that she's embraced that aspect of her life and herself. It's as if a piece of the puzzle finally fit without force or fancy maneuvering. My sister is gay. It just feels right. I see her more happy and free than ever before. It's been a long time coming and I think she is ready for the world and all it has to offer her.

I look forward to seeing all she has to share with me and with those who's lives she has the opportunity to touch. Her positivity and zen mentality are infectious! Her view and her words are beautiful. I never knew how poetic and well written her voice could be and I am so glad that I can appreciate it all. I don't think I could have when I was younger. Age definitely helps, for sure!

So I dedicate this to my sister, Brooke. I love you my lil'zenacious B!
I got the luck of the draw when you were born and wouldn't change a thing! Thank you for knowing and understanding me sometimes better than I do myself! And I thank the stars above I have you as a constant in my life.

Love ya!