Fall Reflections

Fall is my absolute favorite time of year. I love the crisp air. The need for scarfs and warm fuzzy sweaters. How the leaves change to a variety of warm colors on the trees before they cascade down to the ground and decorate the land in a blanket of red, yellow and gold all around them. Simply gorgeous. I love all the smells and aromas lingering in the air, from the smoky fireplace to the freshly baked pumpkin or apple pies! This season brings out the warmth and homeyness in people and, I think, that is a beautiful thing.

I know that it is November and Thanksgiving is quickly approaching and I shall share my thoughts there, but let me take a moment to reflect on my all time favorite month of the year. October! October is by far the most glorious month. It is the beginning of so much joy and festiveness for me. October signifies many things. Perhaps I am a little biased of this month for one particular reason but I like to think that it holds more than just that one thing. I am going to get a little sentimental for a moment so please bear with.

My dear sweet and infinitely flawed younger brother Brandon was born in October. In 1999 he left this world to return to where we all come from and grace us with his self in other ways. So every year around this time I choose to honor him and his spirit by celebrating and choosing to acknowledge his birth, not his untimely and tragic departure. He has been gone for 12 years now and I sometimes find myself struggling to remember his laugh or his smile or to even remember certain things we did as children. And when times like that are far too frequent and when I feel they are all I have, fading memories, a childhood friend remembers something he did or said and shares that precious moment with me. I feel blessed that he touched their lives in such a way! And even more blessed that they chose to share it with me when I needed it most. Perhaps Brandon knows when I need it and finds a way to bring that person around at the right time and right place or maybe it is just coincidence. Either way, it is beautiful.

Every year on his birthday I go to the cemetery with flowers and a birthday balloon and give an update on my life, more for myself than for him of course, but it makes me feel better so I just go with it. I wish you could have known Brandon. He was a high spirited individual with a great sense humor and a gigantic heart. His capacity for love and his ability to show you just much he loved you was... well it just was! He had a way of burrowing into your heart and making it easy to love him. "Hey big sis, I love you", warms me every time I think about him saying those words and the huge hug that followed it. I miss that most of course aside from his smile. But I know he is with me every day, locked safe in side my heart. And so one main reasons I love October is because I choose to honor him and his life, his light, his love and his joy every day of that month making it my favorite because it was when he graced this world with his presence.

I know that because it is his birth month is one of the most significant reasons I gave as to why I love October but those ARE NOT the only reasons! Um, HALLOWEEN! DUH. Yep, Halloween is another fabulous reason I love this month. The decorations, the candy, and all the fabulous trick-or-treat'er costumes. Kids are so adorable this time of the year! Their excitement and zest for dressing up and getting that coveted candy is so cute. I also think the children are an excuse for some parents who secretly love being a kid all over again and can dress up and trick-or-treat with out being harassed too much for it, is pretty entertaining too! I love all the great theme movies for this time of year. Hocus Pocus with Bette Midler is a great one. Also Charlie Brown and The Great Pumpkin a classic cartoon that gets me prepped for the coming holiday season.

But one of the MAIN reasons why I also love October, as I stated earlier, is the weather. The fall trees. The crisp air. The smells. The home and hearth of the month in and of itself is something I find so comforting. There are so many things that can help create that feeling. I shall give my top two.

First, baking is one thing that makes this month so special for me. All the yummy food that goes along with the fall and winter season. Oh my, so many favorites. Right now my new found obsession is Cake bites. Yeah baby. So simple and fairly quick to make. I am on a mission to try all the holiday fall tasty ones I can muster. Tomorrow is pumpkin cheesecake. So far the fan favorites are Apple pie and Caramel apple. I share all I can and use family and co-workers as taste testers! They love it and who knew bringing in yummy goodness would create so many happy faces! I did! *inner chuckle* Second, is Soups and Stews. These have come to be my other new found obsession. I made the most amazing Chicken Sausage and Lentil Stew the other day. Holy cow was is delicious. I also made a Roasted Beef and Barley Stew that was so unbelievably easy and tasty too. So now I am on a quest to come up with some of the most fabulous, quick and easy soup recipes I can muster. I shall be sure to post a few of my successes as I can.

November is a great month as well. It brings a time of ultimate reflection and of course, thanks. It also is a time for gathering and family. This time of year is a fundamental need for us all, I believe. Each of us needs to remember the year and years past. To be grateful for where we are and all we have been through. To appreciate our lives and what grace we have been given. Each road taken has brought me to where I am now. Some roads have been extremely rough and painful, but that road has brought me here to this moment. And even though I may have hurt along the way I have learned so much from the path taken and yes even the path not taken. I am a wiser and stronger individual today compared to yesterday and that in my mind is a gift. A gift of wisdom and experience I can share with others who care to listen and perhaps even heed some of it for their own journey.

I have learned to be grateful for the stumbles and the falls. Those have taught me so much more than many of my successes. I see what is important and what is not. Who is uplifting to my life and who I am better off without. To learn to accept faults and mistakes in others as well as myself. To remind myself that judgement is toxic and not nearly as beneficial as seeing a person or situation for what it is. That we all live in glass houses and throwing stones can often ricochet back upon us and generally with good reason. And that most of the time those judgments are merely a projection of what I am unhappy with in myself, not necessarily who or what I am criticizing about. It is all about Fall Reflections and what those reflections hold and have to teach me about the year and what the following new year shall potentially behold!

Yes November is a grand time. Ultimately, for perhaps us all, it is about the fourth Thursday of the month, the day to be most grateful for, Thanksgiving Day! A day to celebrate with our loved ones and friends. To eat til we pop on the most decadent and delicious of dishes! To gather around a common area and celebrate the love we have for each other and to bicker and banter and laugh about anything and everything one can think of. To cook and cook and cook some more. And then on the day after, for those who love to shop, BLACK FRIDAY! A day to get the most awesome deals imaginable for those gifts most desired to be received on Christmas morning. The day to begin or even to finish off the holiday wish lists for the last glorious month of the year, December!

I won't go into what December signifies for me because in my mind December is the beginning of Winter. And Winter is a whole other fun-fantastical topic to delve into! And this post is all about Fall Reflections!

I shall give one last reflection before I finish. There may not be a tomorrow, so even if life is giving me the most challenging moment ever, stop and be grateful for even the smallest of things. Sight to enjoy beauty, sound to hear a bird sing, voice to say anything at all, hands to touch and feel and do, arms to hold and comfort, legs to carry me to anywhere I need to go, a smile to brighten anyone's day; those are just a few I chose to  write here, there are many more of course. I am alive and living, so I must take a moment to be grateful of that and then go share that gratitude with someone else. For tomorrow is tomorrow and today is today and as the saying goes. Today is a gift other wise they wouldn't call it the present, so honor that gift and live the best life I possibly can and share that awareness with those I treasure most!

My Fall Reflections are those.

Caught up in the whirl wind of life

It has literally been MONTHS since I last posted or even had time to think of posting anything.
Interestingly enough my last post back in April is where it actually begins.

I mentioned that I went to lunch at a restaurant called Atomic Ale Brewpub with my dad Kelly and nephew Liam and Lili my "kid". Well after that lunch I was curious if Atomic was on Face-book and poked around. I found them and proceeded to comment about how a "love it" button was needed for such wonderful places such as Atomic. Not sure if I mentioned it in my April post, but I worked at Atomic as a server from 1997 to 2000 and already had a partial bias to the place. Nevertheless I loved the food, the beer, and everything about it.

Well that little Facebook comment lead to my former boss contacting me and we chatted about our lives and where we've been, etc. And to my surprise and delight he inquired as to when I would be coming back to work for him. I wasn't sure what to think or what to say. I had some prior obligations to family members but really wanted to get back out there with people and of course have some extra change in my pocket and NOT feel guilty about a pedicure or eyebrow threading! *smiling at those splurges*

I quickly figured out a way to make the scheduling work to our benefits and a few short months later I was WORKING! Ah the feeling of interacting with new and different people throughout the week was refreshing and needed more than I even realized! I was steadily regaining my edge and flow of the business and it felt grand! Knowing I still had the strength and tenacity to hold on when it got crazy and not lose it was so exhilarating and comforting all at the same time. And knowing that I am able to still be there for my family is wonderful.

I am so much more busy now then I ever was before. I rarely have time to catch up on any of my favorite TV shows, all of which I have to DVR. I am becoming more and more unplugged from the electronic devices and more and more in tune with the lives around me.

I LOVE IT! And yet there are those moments when I have time to settle and relax and remember I have to, HAVE to put some of me first. And this is one of those 'me first' things I hope to reconnect with and integrate back into my daily if not weekly life. Among a few others, like getting back to the gym or starting yoga, again. And learning to meditate, even if it is only for 5 minutes. To get back into making weekly dinner menus and cooking them! I know myself I tend to get side-tracked and certain important things for me get lost and forgotten in the whirlwind of daily life. Well, today is a new day and tomorrow brings the opportunity to keep up the momentum.

I am making some new soulful and enlightening decisions, and with the help of my inner voice and the wisdom of some great influential and positive individuals I think I am on a good path to becoming a brighter, lighter, and more fabulous me.

So here's to taking it one moment, one choice, one situation at a time. To find my joy and bliss as often as I can when or where ever I can. To making the best out of whatever life shoots my way and to follow my instincts as I make the path to wherever I am meant to tread however long I am destined to.

May this moment right here, right now be one of many that I can repeat as often as I can and may it help to remind me when I feel like I am caught up in the whirlwind of life that I have some desires and goals that need attention and may it bring me back around much sooner than before so I can forge on and reach my dreams.

You say it's my BIRTHDAY!

Ha- ha, little psych there because it isn't my birthday today. It was, however, a few days ago and yup another year older... thirty-seven (37) to be exact! I KNOW, WOW! I don't feel 37. Sometimes I forget exactly how old I am. It's not until I see myself in the mirror that I am reminded of how time flies by. It feels like only yesterday I was 17. And yet 17 feels ages ago! But despite my age I wouldn't change a thing! I truly love my life. My family and friends, and most especially my husband Garrett. He is an AMAZING man who makes me feel the way every woman should feel by her husband; loved, appreciated, beautiful, sexy, special and wanted!

This year as my gift to me, I am learning to appreciate all the wonderful things life presents. Big, small, easy, and the difficult each is beautiful as long as I remind myself to bathe in it. Allow all aspects to seep into my soul, to breathe and see what I am supposed to learn! Man life is exciting so long as you SEE it and EMBRACE what it is trying to show you! Every challenge is a gift and I am learning to receive it in the manner it is given. To be more open and positive, to refrain from negative thoughts and energy for all these do is taint what has been presented to me, I lose the point and the meaning. I am working toward living a more optimistic life. I want to lead by example and be the best version of myself for myself! And the family and friends I am surrounded by make it so much easier to accomplish! Having a good support system makes everything easier!

Speaking of support system, I did have a very lovely birthday! It wasn't anything like my 36th which was spent coincidentally in Maui! OH YEAH! That was one memorable celebration! Great people, gorgeous views, delicious food and my family! Who could ask for better! This year may not compare location wise but it has been a wonderful one nevertheless! An early dinner with the in-laws on the 1st. An evening party with some family and friends on the 2nd. Sushi lunch, frozen yogurt, and Red Riding Hood movie with my Mom and Sister on the 3rd. On my birthday day of April 4, a yummy lunch with my dad, Kelly, my nephew, Liam and Lili too at my favorite pizza place Atomic Ale Brewpub & Eatery. Then dinner at 6 Degrees with Lili and my Garrett, oh yeah Pop Rock-tini's delish! And interestingly enough the celebrations aren't over just yet! Hooray! I am going out with two very special friends for  belated birthday adult beverages tonight at White Buddha, tasty tasty! I feel so fortunate and quite blessed to have such good family and girlfriends in my life who have made this birthday year a fabulous one for me.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, INDEED!

May this year bring, not only me but all who surround me, joy and love and laughter and delicious memories!
Thank you with all my heart to the amazing people in my life who've gone out of their way to make a person feel loved and appreciated on her birthday!  MMMWWWAAAHHH xxxooo

Bootie Cravings

Yes. As the title suggests I am experiencing this craving. And it is like nothing I have felt before, ever.

Many times in my twenties I contracted what is know as the "fever", BABY FEVER to be exact. Baby Fever can be best explained as a sudden rush of want and need to have a sweet bundle of joy from exposure to a newborn. You think you want one and shortly the feeling passes for most of course and yet for others not so quickly. For me it always passed quickly. Once I was married Baby Fever ebbed and flowed over 7 years. Yes I wanted one. No I didn't. Yes. No. Yes. No. Now as I have grown older I have begun to differentiate between "the fever" and "the craving". For me I basically relate these two to infatuation and real love and the fundamental differences between them.

I do get that both fever and craving are temporary in every essence of the words, but in this particular instance I see them as two polar opposites. With fever being immature and wanting something for the novelty of it vs craving being an honest desire to truly embrace a new chapter in one's life and fulfil a particular need to the most extreme. At thirty-six years old and frighteningly close to turning thirty-seven with no children my biological clock has gone from a soft inconsistent tick to a very loud non-stop buzzing alarm, with NO snooze button in sight!

Everywhere I look I see babies and women with pregnant bellies and I feel my desire growing. I hear gossip of "oops" and wonder when I get to say those wonderfully fulfilling words; "I am pregnant." Then I finally came to the conclusion that sitting on the fence and waiting for life to grant me this gift, at my age, isn't going to happen. I have to make a conscious effort to get pregnant. I am not any of those other women who seem to get pregnant effortlessly, we are going to have to put some serious dual effort if this is ever going to happen. We haven't been preventing nor really trying for over 5 years. That's a long time for no accidents, but my friends have told me that it may be due to timing. As many know the window to get pregnant is very small and the percent each month is less than 15 for a woman my age. So no need to panic, yet, because if we weren't trying then no need to fret. It is only once we begin and after a trial with no news is concern warrented. Which leads me to this...

... We are officially trying to get "preggers"! And DAMN! I have never wanted something so much in my life. I used to be scared of the stories of needles and tearing, all the horrors that you see or hear about child birth. All of it terrified me. But I am now completely confident in my decision because all these things that frightened me before just don't matter anymore. The want and desire to see our baby is so much stronger than any fears I may have harbored prior. You see I am terrified of needles, I have veins that are so small a pediatric needle has to be used to draw blood, and when you're pregnant there is a lot of blood that has to be drawn and tested throughout the pregnancy. It is so bad drawing blood from my veins that I have a tendency to bruise very easily and often times will go hypoxic. Which is where you loose oxygen and get all dopey and slow and it takes a bit to return to normal. That knowledge alone for me was so scary, but now.
I.
Just.
Don't.
Care.
I want to be nauseous and pee all the time. I want to feel my breast growing and the baby moving around pushing all my organs into tight spaces making me completely uncomfortable. I want to spend hours pouring over baby name books and picking out all the baby room furniture and arguing with Garrett over what style is cuter and which name is perfect! I am SO ready for it all. I want the ablility to call a child MINE! To have him or her snuggle into my neck fall asleep and drool all over me. To cry at that first step and rejoice in that first word. Its like this song, "I want it all, I want it all, and I want it NOW" I don't remember who sang this but at this moment it speaks volumes! And says a lot as to what I write next.

So, I know patience is a virtue but when it comes to trying to get with child and you are in your late thirties, patience tends to be on its very last legs! But I am not giving up hope or faith! I am staying positive, telling myself that it is early in our journey and there is nothing to worry about for the next six months. So until then Garrett and I get to enjoy the efforts we put into this endeavor! And hopefully sometime soon within the next few months a very happy post will be brightening the world!

Ah say... WHAT?

"WHAT?!" That was exactly the words out of our mouths.

Let me explain. My husband's family celebrates each person's birthday by going out to the favorite restaurant of that person who's birthday it is. It is always a really nice and fun time (I got particularly lucky with the in-laws). We eat, open gifts, eat cake and catch up on what is new or not.

It's February 15th, my nephew Anthony's birthday, we meet at a place called Bob's Burgers and Brews a new dining establishment in town. There are 14 people in our party and because we were so large the hostess seated us in an area made for such groups. There also happened to be another large group of people dining in that area as well and in their party was one ueber cutie patootie baby boy.

Throughout the evening we never really paid much attention to the table next to us but as the evening progressed the baby started to get a little vocal. My sis-in-law Chrissy and I looked back once or twice because we weren't sure if he was "talking" or fussing. She and I commented quietly that he probably just wanted to be picked up and felt bad for the little guy and once someone did he was fine. We weren't annoyed or irritated, really, no one paid much attention, in fact, we were busy talking and eating and celebrating that when the other table left we didn't even notice. So it came as a ginormous surprise after we asked for our checks when our server came back and stated that our dining neighbors paid our entire check, ALL 14 OF US. The waitress said "They felt bad for the baby screaming and wanted to apologize by paying for your dinners!"

That brings us to the beginning of this post...

"WHAT?"

Oh my god! The baby wasn't screaming, fussy maybe a bit, but not annoyingly fussy and like I said when someone picked him up he quieted down.

Talk about over the top GENEROUS!

A lesson for sure!

There are blindingly good people out there who do good things (and in our case was totally unnecessary but nevertheless it is humbly appreciated) and that in and of itself requires a moment of pause and staunch consideration on how one could be more aware and definitely find ways to do something like minded to PAY IT FORWARD. Necessary or not lifting someones spirit by doing something generous and thoughtful is, in my mind, the epitome of a beautiful and kind soul.

So this post I dedicate to the wonderfully thoughtful dining room companions and I say THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! I hope I can find a way to honor your generosity and pay it forward in some similar and grand way!

O Magazine Article: 5 Things Veganist Author Kathy Freston Knows for Sure

Wellness expert and best-selling author Kathy Freston shares the secrets to compassionate, mindful eating.
http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Wellness-Expert-Kathy-Freston-on-Veganism-and-Mindful-Eating

I really like what Kathy says in this article. I know I want to eat healthier and embrace a vegan-ish lifestyle and the 'tips' she suggests here make me believe that I can succeed!

I hope that some of what is in the link can perhaps inspire you to start small and try a few vegan or even vegetarian dishes once a week. I know I plan on trying to veganize a lunch and dinner. I have breakfast covered as I eat Kashi cereals and don't drink cow's milk anymore. I began drinking soy milk in 2006 in my Starbucks lattes and since then the transition has been a fairly easy one. However since I have been hearing that soy milk isn't super healthy for you on a regular basis I decided I would try other alternatives like Almond milk or Coconut milk. I really liked the Coconut milk but noticed that it had a high saturated fat percentage so I chose to try Rice milk and WOW this is awesome! In my cereal, in my morning latte and even with dinner, just delicious! I just hope my adventure into veganism is as fruitful and fun as my moo replacement journey!

Here is a link to Oprah's Website that has a sample weekly menu from Kathy's book. I love the meal plans they sound delicious and easy. I'll be sure to let you know how some of them go!

http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Week-One-Kathy-Frestons-Vegan-Menu-Plan

Luck to you and to me on the quest to healthy conscious eating!

Meat or not to meat? That is the question!

Recently I watched an episode of Oprah from her Season 25. It's her last as many may know, and I wanted to make sure I was there to watch her out do the years previous as her talk show came to an end. Any ways,  the show was about how Oprah and 378 of her staff members went Vegan for a week. WOW! That's huge.

I totally recommend finding this particular episode on NBC.com and watching it for yourself. Talk about becoming more consciously aware! As we all know Oprah is about growing, evolving, becoming better and doing better. As I watched and learned so many things that her guests and she herself said resonated for me. I decided I wanted to embrace a Vegan-ish lifestyle. My sister, Brooke, has been embracing a more healthy lifestyle, one with more whole foods, organic and processed free. And everyone knows that you succeed with support and people who carry the same overall goals. So. Why not! Why not incorporate better eating habits. Break the cycle my grandmother and mother started. Lead by example. I mean I am a quasi-mom now with a young impressionable little girl to think of, right? Right!

Within the last few years I've found that I am already leaning toward a more vegetarian lifestyle when I consciously think about it which is all together quite good, but my husband is all carnivore and that poses some challenges, but not too many thankfully. As a kid I grew up eating meat and seafood. It was a common staple in our daily diet. My dad would hunt and fish and we generally ate what was brought home. That particular way of eating is the epitome of organic of course before "organic" became a fashionable health style. Nevertheless when these forms of food were not available there was the grocery store and the 70's and 80's style of cooking my mother embraced so well. In her  house there wasn't a large variety of wholesome healthy dinners as we think of the term today. I mainly remember fried chicken and hamburger being served regularly. As a result my knowledge of variety and healthy was severely lacking. As I gained a family of my own I found I had a lot to learn about food and cooking and basically everything.

A few years back I found the book called "Skinny Bitch". Yea this book provided a significant shift in consciousness about the beef and poultry industries. I knew I wasn't ready to completely give up meat, and that I couldn't go vegan so I would try vegetarian. I was already sort of doing that anyways as Garrett informed me and he was surprisingly supportive so long as I didn't expect him to convert. He still craved "red meat" of course regardless of how much white meat we tried to incorporate in its place!  I loved that he didn't mind plus throughout our marriage so far I had managed  to shift his eating habits a bit so why couldn't I shift mine a tad more. That was six years ago when I attempted to change the way I ate.

It didn't last sadly enough. I think money played a big part and when you don't have a lot and healthy food is more expensive and you don't know how to shop in a way that enables you to buy healthy for a cheap budget you can tend to fall off the wagon. Yup that was me. Dammit!

That brings us to today. As I have said before, I think, I love love love food! But I want to be more healthy and be an example for Lili. And after watching Oprah's show doubly so! I really liked what Kathy Freston, the woman who helped launch this massive undertaking at Oprah's studio and author of the book 'Veganist: Lose Weight, Get Healthy, Change the World'. She said to take it slow. Just change one or two things. That her husband was Vegan-ish. Meaning at home he ate vegan like she, but still allowed himself non-vegan foods when out on business lunches or dinners if he so inclined. Kathy also said in her book that there were several vegan dishes that were a success and several that weren't; that is was all about finding what you like and going from there, essentially. (I paraphrased there) For me this says a lot. Most especially coming from someone who is vegan. After that episode I found myself at the Barnes and Nobel looking at Kathy's book and several great vegetarian and vegan cookbooks. And let me just say I was impressed. Some of these dishes were incredible! And filled with foods I loved! So many possibilities. And desserts oh yeah! Yum. Yum. Yum. You'd all be surprised!

Wow, becoming Vegan-ish is possible. It is all about planning and a budget. I can do that! Yeah! I already plan out weekly dinners and work within an allotted food budget; I've come so far. Hee hee. Plus I bet I could work in a vegan dish or two and how much you wanna bet Garrett or anyone wouldn't be able to tell the difference!  That's what I loved about some of the recipes I've found, they seem that good! I can't wait to try a few dishes and share their success or failure with you. So I ask you to "Wish me luck" on my evolution to become a better more healthy me! Go Vegan-ish!

Sisters!

My sister Brooke & I

I am proud to say this, my sister is my BEST friend. And I wouldn't have it any other way! I am so glad to be able to profess such a statement.

When I was younger I always hoped I would and could one day say she is not only my sister but also my friend. Sadly however there is an age difference that prevented us from truly knowing one another as we were growing up. An almost 7 year age gap can pose significant complications. Plus I being the eldest and she being the youngest we were raised differently and viewed the world in profoundly differing ways.

Yet in spite of the obstacles we faced in our lives now as grown adults we have slowly learned how to truly know each other and establish a bond, one I always envied with other women and their sister(s), of our very own. HOORAY!

My sister is one of the funniest women I know, she can make me laugh like nothing else and despite her complicated and turbulent life she still finds a way to smile and help you smile with her. She is beyond boundaries and balls to the wall unpredictable. Qualities I simply love in her! She is finding herself and doing what she can to evolve past our broken and bruised childhood into an amazing person aware and conscious of the world around her and her place in it.

I never really thought about sexual orientation and all the issues that people face today, but I am extremely impressed with her decision and how proud I am of her for coming out and declaring herself a Lesbian. I feel like she's continuing to grow and evolve into her true self even more now that she's embraced that aspect of her life and herself. It's as if a piece of the puzzle finally fit without force or fancy maneuvering. My sister is gay. It just feels right. I see her more happy and free than ever before. It's been a long time coming and I think she is ready for the world and all it has to offer her.

I look forward to seeing all she has to share with me and with those who's lives she has the opportunity to touch. Her positivity and zen mentality are infectious! Her view and her words are beautiful. I never knew how poetic and well written her voice could be and I am so glad that I can appreciate it all. I don't think I could have when I was younger. Age definitely helps, for sure!

So I dedicate this to my sister, Brooke. I love you my lil'zenacious B!
I got the luck of the draw when you were born and wouldn't change a thing! Thank you for knowing and understanding me sometimes better than I do myself! And I thank the stars above I have you as a constant in my life.

Love ya!

Food Glorious *Everyday* Food

I love love love food! As I have gotten older my palette has matured and evolved right along with me. When I first moved out and lived on my own I dabbled here and there but mostly I just brought home food from wherever I was a waitress. When I began living with Garrett, we had a deal I cooked breakfast (because I was awesome at it and created great eats) and he had dinner as he loved to dabble and create tasty yummies off the top of his head. As our relationship grew so did our tastes and my desire to expand our hum-drum routine of same'ol same'ol. I started to embrace the role of wife and cook dinners more often, especially when I stopped waiting tables and became a full-time student. I found I was home in the evenings on a regular basis and maybe I could have a nice hot meal ready when Garrett got home from a long day. 

So began my journey into becoming a novice cook. I followed recipes to the letter, never deviating or sprucing it up as Garrett might say. Plus all Garrett ever wanted was beef and more beef. Now don't get me wrong a juicy burger or steak is always in my repertoire but I loved all the different things you could do with chicken and thankfully Garrett was willing to go with my chicken flow. At the time a girlfriend of mine was a far more creative cook, her meals were gorgeous, delicious, and healthy. This inspired me to venture out a bit more. I found lots of great cookbooks and recipes to try out, but sometimes they just required too many things, staples and other items we just couldn't quite afford during that time. That's when my girlfriend found Martha Stewart's Everyday Food Magazine. I have the first volume too BTW. The meals were awesome, we had a great time cooking dinners together for our men! And so my cooking experience graduated from novice to slightly better.

As the years have passed I have become more aware of all the great dishes out there. I particularly enjoyed the Food Network and learned a lot. Watching the chefs do a guesstimate measurement with a pinch here, a dash there or whatever the recipe called for they rarely used a utensil to measure. I loved it, it was all about taste and using your best judgement for what was needed to make the dish great! But my cooking was always a bit hindered by the size of my kitchens. Living in apartments in the burbs of Seattle were small and kitchens likewise. So when Garrett and I moved back to our hometown I finally gained a kitchen of reputable size, one where the two of us could cook together and not get in each others way!




Turkey Chili in Tortilla Cups
Everyday Food Magazine
#79 p.84

  That alone inspired me to embrace my new home, my new kitchen, my new role as a quasi-mom and cook nightly delights! I found that having a plan helped enormously. Create a weekly dinner menu and shop with ease from there. Everyday Foods became my inspiration. Our choices of dinning delights expanded by leaps and bounds. I could master anything in my kitchen! For example just this evening we had Turkey Chili in Tortilla Cups and oh my oh my. I am never buying canned chili again. Lili loved it, Garrett even he loved it. Yes my poor hubby is sick with a nasty chest cold, high temperature and still raved about it.

I have found a new appreciation for food and cooking and the ability to tweak a recipe to become your own. For example in volume # 79 there is a Mini Cheeseburger recipe that I tweaked into Mini Turkey Burgers with Cheese. OMG are these just amazing. In another volume I found a recipe for Asian Turkey Meatballs with Carrot Rice and WOW, spicy and light yet filling. If it wasn't for that specific recipe I never would have had the courage to attempt my own regular turkey meatballs to go with my from scratch spaghetti sauce. No more jarred stuff for us, nope! I create my own sauce. And interestingly enough its never the same twice, but always just as good as the first! After Garrett had these two completely different types of turkey meatballs he was in agreement, we'd stop buying ground beef and continue to go with ground turkey from that point on! Yeah for healthy eats! My man has come such a long way and I am so proud, MR. I ONLY EAT RED MEAT! *tee-hee-hee*

One thing I have always loved about my hubby and our marriage is our joined love of really good food and that Garrett has never been afraid to venture out with me in trying something different. The two of us have come up with some great dishes just from not wanting to buy it or thinking we could do it better. One night we were grocery shopping for dinner and found in the meat display a gourmet ground beef with peppers and cheese. Garrett wasn't willing to pay the price per pound so we bought some plain beef and different fixings to concoct our version of a gourmet burger. And yes it was the most delicious burger I had ever had at home! Mushrooms, bell pepper, feta or blue cheese crumbles with an onion bun or whole wheat, lettuce, onion, jalapeno ranch, and whatever else sounded good. The next weekend we invited some friends over to try our new dish and yup it was a hit.

That story is just one of many I am finding myself being able to tell about my marriage! And just one of the many reasons I find myself falling in love over and over again with my man and with food. Is that too gushy for you? Sorry. But it's true. Our common love of food glorious *everyday* food has helped keep our marriage fun and fresh!

Thank you Martha Stewart and your kick arse magazine! I have found more ways to broaden our dinning experiences thanks to your ideas and suggestions, not to mention I have become a pretty darn good cook in the process!

VooDoo Temptations

What is it about the VooDoo that causes all sensiblities to fly right out the window. All resolve and fortitude to stay on track, keep within my dietary limits to lose that goal weight, just in that moment I hear VooDoo go POOF! What is it about the tasty sensation of the VooDoo that makes our mouths water and our ability to only eat one dissolve? With most doughnuts they are of course good and a "treat", but with VooDoo these creations are sinfully and eclecticly delicious and the Lays Potatoe Chip chip comerical saying "Bet you can't eat just one!" screams as if on a loop in your brain as you sink your teeth into this eatable piece of heaven.

Seriously. A flavor exposion occurs, the innate fluffiness of the nut itself has the perfect consistency required for the ultimate experience. Then the assorted array of various choices in which these delicacies are topped boggle the mind and when you do decide on the one to which you lay it all on the line for there are never any regrets. Perfection. Every Time.

Now keep in mind that despite my utter lack of self control, this rare and I do mean RARE opportunity to indulge in the deliciousness of the unbelievably gormet doughnut is well worth the momentary lapse and will no doubt result in the acute and desperate need to hit the gym and do an extra hour of extreme intense cardio to work off each insanely scrumptious bite! Nevertheless, I say if you have the chance to let VooDoo Temptations to win you over just remember its well worth ignoring all the "oh no the calories, the sugar, the fat, the blah blah blah crap" PUH-LEASE! If you don't allow yourself to experience something wonderful, especially food wise on what is sure to be the most rarest of occasions then what's the friggin point of life! But hey that's just me.

My first introduction to VooDoo Doughnuts was through a television show called "Man vs Food" on the Travel Channel, and OH. MY. GOD. I couldn't help exclaiming out loud, "Are you serious? Truly?", then waited for my husband to get home and said "baby we have to go there one day soon!" Once I played the episode for him off of the DVR he was in complete agreement. That has always been one of the things I've loved about my marriage, our joined love of food and travel. Heck our Honeymoon consisted of a drive up the Oregon Coast hitting every MicroBrewery we could find and then hoping a hotel nearby had a room for us. Pure bliss the open road and my man.



Desi (my niece) Anthony (my nephew) & Lili

Okay perhaps I need to elaborate for a moment. VooDoo is a little doughnut shop in Portland, Oregon created by two men with crazy ideas for eccentric tastyfilled yumminess topped on America's most favorite of favorites, the doughnut. Garrett and I lived in Seattle and often traveled to Oregon to stay in our most favorite of places, Cannon Beach. We would just hop in the car on a Sat or Sun and drive over for a day at the beach. Picnic lunch, wine, cheese and grapes always romantic, yes? Yes. Sadly though when we did hear of VooDoo lifes obsticles got in the way and it wasn't until we moved and a joint family trip to Hawaii with my in laws presented us with the fabulous opportunity to experience the wonder of VooDoo.

Oh yeah. My sister in law has patroned this establishment before.
WHAT!
No fair!

But HOORAY! She's been there. And they, wait, oh yes try to go every time they are in Portland! Oh sweet beans! Oh Joy! So the plan was set. Upon our arrival homeward from Maui we would stop at VooDoo before we drove the rest of the way home from Oregon back to Southeastern Washingon. What a vacation it turned out to be and coincidentally the best birthday of all time for me! Now I must say that the particular VooDoo we chose was not the VooDoo Garrett and I saw on television. That was when we learned that they are a chain! There are now 3 locations ready to sell these most holiest of holies! LUCKY OREGONIAN BASTARDS! So needless to say in April of 2010 Garrett and I were able to visit and patron one of our top choices of food establishment locations we had become privy to via the wonderfully awesome cable show Man vs Food. Thank you Travel Channel, and thank you Adam Richmond for hearing about and showcasing one of the most awesome of awesomes The VooDoo Doughnut shop in Portland Oregon!

Now why you may be asking am I bringing up VooDoo D when it has clearly been almost a year since I had the pleasure of tasting and consuming such bliss? Well... my hubby just so happened to of been recently within 15 miles of VooDoo D for two weeks and on his last day of out-of-townage stay he lovingly endured Friday bumper to bumper rush-hour traffic to go from Vancouver to Portland's downtown business district so his wife, sister, brother, and their kids could have the splendor of VooDoo! What a man I have! So thoughtful and generous! I wish I would have brought a camera to the restaurant on Saturday night to capture the looks on their faces plus the faces of everyone else in the restaurant as they caught a glimpse of what was in the giant pink box!

Oh did I forget to mention that VooDoo D's saying is "GOOD THINGS COME IN PINK BOXES" and is in fact the 'to-go' box color! LOVE IT! Just simply love it! And perhaps I should mention that one of the shop's signiture doughnuts is a VooDoo Doll. Oh yes, A VooDoo Doll. A red jelly filled maple bar (with out the maple of course) made into a person by slicing the sides giving it arms, which is then topped with chocolate, given eyes and a mouth and immediately stabbed with a pretzel stick to mimic an actual VooDoo Doll! And yes it is as good as it sounds!

But my all time favorite has to be the Captian Crunch Berry doughnut. I swear the height of the thing equals a very tall and qutie large burger, one in which your mouth can't quite encompass to bite completely, if at all! There are of course other cereal flavored yummies you can experience. For instance a new one we encountered was a Chocolate covered cake doughnut topped with Coco Puffs! There is also a Fruit loop doughnut and yes you can taste all the different flavors of the cereal, so good!



ODB

 There are many many more and I could go on and on but I will leave you with one last awesome doughnut name and description refered to as The ODB. The Old Dirty Bastard. This is a chocolate, peanut butter and Oreo cookie topped delight! It looks awful and to some may sound atrocious but NO! The words and abbreviaton oh my god and OMG can't even begin to express just how ridiculously good it is. If you remember nothing else just remember ODB serious, ODB, order it and join us over here on the VooDoo Doughnut dark side and revel in utter doughnut elations!


And before I say adieu! Unless you live near or in Portland Oregon and the trek is a short one for you to enjoy VooDoo D regularly the praise and length of this particular blog post may escape you! However, if you don't live close or even if you do and you've never had a VD, if you have the opportunity to stop and try  VooDoo, I say "OMG! DooDoo DooDoo!" And seriously no matter how long the line may be, trust me, it is SO WORTH THE WAIT! And then maybe just maybe you will see my crazy post about a doughnut shop and doughnuts wasn't so crazy after all!

Being a "Pseudo-Mom"

I use Pseudo-Mom because I have no children of my own, yet, in 2009 I become a "mom" to my husband's adopted sister LiXuMei after the death of their father, Jerry.

At the time we were living in the Seattle area and the choice to move was an easy one. Taking Lili into our home and caring for her had been a conversation we had had several times over the years since Garrett's step mother Wendy passed in October of 2004. Yes, there were others who could have cared for Lili and who have children and "know" what to do, but for us there wasn't a doubt in our minds, we wanted her in our daily life. We felt we were at a in a place our lives where we could take on and handle the responsibility. We just seemed like the most resonable fit. Especially in my mind. When Wendy died Lili was only five years old. Such a beautiful yet sad story for one so young. I knew Jerry would continue to be wonderful with her, patient, kind, funny, and being a older parent I've heard you do things differently, the whole wiser bit. Still, his health was a concern and losing the love of your life can take a toll in some cases.

Perhaps a quick back story will help to put some perspective in place. Garrett's parents divorced when he was very little and his father, Jerry, remarried Wendy a few years afterward. They decided to not have children of their own because Wendy didn't want the kids to feel that they were being replaced by their dad. So time flew by and the moment passed where she could have a child of her own. They never regretted the decision but once the kids grew up and started having children of their own, they felt and knew they wanted to experience that same joy. In 1999 they decided to try adoption. Luckily enough there were several other people in their neighboring towns who were also wanting to adopt and adopt specifically from China. And from that point they were set. It took a bit considering both were over 50 and sadly at that age it is slightly more difficult to become approved due to health concerns. But they were eventually approved and in 2000 travelled to China to bring home a baby girl named Li Xu Mei. Truly a wonderfully beautiful moment for them. Lili was 18 months old when they brought her home.

Wendy was so happy and such a good mom. Bringing home a child from China is a huge task, babies there aren't cared for they way they are here in orphanages. LiXuMei was over a year old and in every way resembled a new born. But Wendy loved the challenge and the task of bringing that little girl up to age standards and beyond. Which she did. Being a teacher Wendy helped her daughter to become so well read and articulate at a young age. Truly a beautiful acheivement. 

It was devistating when Wendy passed in 04, especially because she was beating her throat cancer and becoming a survivor. A horrible car accident threw Wendy into a stroke and shortly afterward her poor body just couldn't fight any longer. It left LiXuMei and Jerry very alone and isolated in the back woods of Chehalis Washington. So Jerry made the decision to move back to the Tri-Cities in the summer of 05 to be closer to his other children and their kids. 

Now Jerry had had some heart issues in his past and had suffered two mild heart attacks already. These were some of the concerns I had and why I told Garrett if god forbid anything should ever happen to his father, I felt we could take care of his sister. Unfortuntately in late June 2009 that day came. Jerry died in his sleep from a coronary. We were all so relieved it wasn't painful for him and that he went peacefully. We were doubly relieved Lili was visiting with her Aunt Liz in Tacoma for the week. At the time I was already in Kennewick for the Fourth of July weekend waiting for Garrett to get back from a fishing trip and join me. Receiving that call and not being albe to comfort my husband was heartbreaking. I couldn't stop thinking of LiXuMei. Such a beautiful little girl who has endured such tragedies far too early in her life. 

At that moment I knew in my heart and felt that events which occurred in my life happened for a reason. I wasn't working and we hadn't bought a home or had children of our own yet. I felt that the disruption to our life wouldn't be as much of a burden for us as it would have been for his siblings and their children due to their set routines and such. Once Garrett arrived in town and we had a moment to ourselves I told Garrett we are moving back and becoming guardians of that little girl. There was no question in my heart, any fears I may have had when it came to the thought of raising a child and the challenges involved with a teenager in this day and age just didn't matter anymore. *These fears were just one of the many reasons I hesitated to begin a family of my own* My fears seemed silly in that moment to me and I knew together Garrett and I could handle anything. In that moment our lives changed immeasurably and we were ready for it all.

It didn't take but a split second for all involved to agree Garrett and I were the best choice as guardians for LiXuMei too. Plus as a family everyone truly felt making Lili leave her school, her room, her friends just wasn't in her best interest at that point in time. Don't misunderstand it wasn't a deal breaker if Garrett and I wanted to stay where we were and bring Lili back, but for Garrett and I those reasons just mentioned were exactly why we chose to move instead of bringing her back with us to Seattle. Insidentally Garrett and I had discussed moving back on a few occasions but the timing never seemed right, for me once I heard about Jerry I knew what we had to do; I knew being with family was the best decision for both Garrett and Lili. I could sacrifice all I loved and enjoyed about being in the big city and the burbs for my husband who I loved more then anything. 

I won't lie it was extremely hard to leave a place I came to consider as my hometown. I loved it there on the West Side. I chose to move there for so many glorious reasons, but leaving was the right thing to do. I knew it wasn't about me anymore, it was about a 10 year old little girl. And honestly I wouldn't change a thing. I have come to enjoy being back. Re-establishing old friendships, being around my family and getting to know my plethora of neices and nephews and learning to enjoy the family circle and having a steady support system in place has been amazing. A blessing. Plain and simple. A sad, tragic, unbelievably wonderful blessing.  

This little girl has captured my heart in a way I never imagined possible. She is silly and sweet, gentle and kind, generous and thoughtful. Jerry and Wendy did such an amazing job with her and I just hope I can honor their memories by continuing to do the same. Now being a quasi-mom to Lili is absolutely wonderful. I must say being in my mid 30's has helped in so many ways. And having her in my life has allowed me to see I have had nothing to fear about raising a child and that biology doesn't mean everything when it comes to matters of the heart. She has helped me to realize I am more than ready to add to our happy home one day soon.

One last thought before I finish for today.

Jerrry, Wendy thank you for being the most amazing in laws a woman could ever have. You taught me so much about marriage and patience and compromise. You gave me a gift I can never repay. I only hope I can honor your legacy because you raised a truly gracious and fabulous young lady. As her Pseudo-Mom I look forward to each day and all she and I have to teach each other and hope I do you proud.